Whether you lead a church small group or large corporation, no leader can exist without the dreaded, inevitable, usually horribly mismanaged, moment of confrontation. Do you hate confrontation?… Or, are you one of “those” types who thrive off confrontation? Both types, those who avoid it and those who jump to confrontation, can have real dangers when it applies to leadership.
In fact, I would venture to say that confrontation might just be the most difficult part of leadership. Sure, it’s difficult to do and it’s awkward, but I think more than that, it’s very challenging to measure and apply the right amount of confrontation. Many people well it all up inside and explode, making it seem irrational and too strong; others are just abrasive as they over-confront every little thing. So much about good leadership is about balance. There are times for various things as Ecclesiastes so well tell us. How do we confront, how do we know the right time, the right way, the right goals, and the right motive? Well, as always, God’s Word gives us some very clear wisdom on confrontation. Often, we find these Scriptures gutted to a person’s more desirable outcome, rather than really looking into what the passage is saying.
Let’s take a quick look at what Paul writes to Timothy. He instructs in 2 Tim 3:16 that “all Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” and then the Holy Spirit affirm through Paul that Timothy should “Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” We can easily take from the whole of this that leaders (as Paul was instructing Timothy on leadership) should rebuke, correct, challenge, demand, and direct…with the purpose of teaching, training, and growth in right behavior. Yes, the leader’s motives are to be good, but these passages also imply a struggle, a challenge, a firmness and unmoving goal both for the person and to the benefit of the organization. So much of the soft, unchallenging, lukewarm leadership of today, often masked in what some call “servant leadership” ends up with no one doing anything of significance. It ends in entitlement and is convenient for leaders who don’t like to confront. It’s much easier to just approve of everything and be liked. Yes, Jesus was a servant leader. But, he also challenged, was demanding, took control, confronted, and had high requirements for those around him. Just look at how many times he essentially said “no, we are going here, not there,” or “stop it, let them come to me,” or “you say, but I say” …how about “whatever you do, go do it quickly” to Judas and finally to Peter “you will betray me.” We won’t even get into how he confronted those leading people astray.
Finally, the synoptic Gospels, Ephesians, Thessalonians, 1 John, Titus, James, and a whole lot more talk about confrontation. The bottom line is, you cannot lead or lead well unless you can confront properly. You can’t run from it, but you also can’t be abrasive. Find that balance of confronting with steady firmness with the intent to instruct and grow those whom God has given you authority over. Sometimes it’s difficult, it demands change, discipline and sometimes separation of relationships. But, ultimately, it is for the good of the person and God’s Kingdom.
